Motivation, such a tough hill to climb

So here I am, on a dreary Monday morning…sitting half-dressed at my desk, sipping my coffee. Yes, I drink coffee now!

Mollie, my C.O.S. (chief of security) is barricaded in the kitchen. I explained she will stay there until she agrees to eat her breakfast. I’m convinced she must be of Scottish decent, since she would rather stay out there and not eat all day than rather succumb to MY rules. I too can play at that game.

We worked so hard at ridding our yard of the dreaded, killer red squirrel. You know the ones, they chew their way into your garage and destroy the cords on your power tools so you can’t build new things. They burrow themselves into your attic and completely furnish their little corner with your lovely pink insulation so you feel drafts all winter long, listening to them scratching and dragging their Freddy Squirrel Krueger claws along your ceiling. Causing you to have nightmares about 4ft squirrels and rats toting switchblades…swinging at your exposed ankles, scraping at your bones! and you JUST! CAN’T!! GET AWAY!!!

(pant, pant….deep breath…..wipe the brow….another deep cleansing breath)

Okay…where was I?
Oh yeah….while we were battling with the ‘red’ squirrel….who is actually brown, but what do I know? the BLACK squirrel decided to move into the neighbourhood. Completely under the radar, since our neighbour convinced Goose (my Husband) they were completely harmless and would run off the ‘brown’ squirrels. Over the last 8 years, we have had gardens destroyed, flowers uprooted and relocated, trees hollowed out and brutally murdered, shed foundations massacred, greenhouse windows broken, dents in our vehicles from the nuts being strategically removed from the trees. Their population has grown to the point of them laughing at our measly pellet gun. When they see Goose emerging for battle, they simply set down their nut and meander to the nearest entrance they’ve built into our precious trees. And then they sit in their lounge, probably watching Chip n’ Dale re-runs with their feet up giggling at Goose’s feeble attempts to annihilate (I actually spelled that correctly..on my own) their entire species.

Fast forward to this morning, when I look out the window…ONE window…not all around the house, but ONE window and see not two, not three but FOUR black squirrels in our trees. With their beady little eyes and their pointy ears, all freezing and staring back at me. I do not like them (samIam). I don’t like their size, or their shape….and definitely not their attitude. That, being that this is their yard and trees…and I am infringing on THEIR rights!

Maybe I should have gotten up earlier and done some yoga.

I swear this dog will drive me batty.

What was my point here? I scroll back up to look at my title…Motivation…right.

I was on a retreat/conference with my co-workers on the weekend. I was pumped up. I heard inspirational stories. I cried, I cheered….I raised my hands in the air. When we left, I was like…’YEAH!! I’m going to make so many changes!’

Last night as I sat in front of the TV and looked at Goose at the other end of the couch…I realized we were wasting yet another night doing nothing. Looking straight ahead at a screen…we are not interacting with each other. We stayed up way too late, did not get enough sleep….and felt hungover & achey this morning. There’s nothing worse than feeling hungover in the morning when you know you didn’t enjoy the night before. (well alright there are worse things, but that’s another post)

This morning, when I get up he’s already gone to work. I am left with foggy memories of a kiss and ‘i love you’ before I stretch and roll back into slumber. And now…as I sit here in my underwear, battling with the dog and squirrels. I realize….some of the speakers I heard on the weekend, actually said things that meant something to me.

‘Get out of the way’ one said to all of us. I knew what he meant….that who he was talking to at the time was stopping himSELF from achieving his life’s goals. ‘Isn’t that nice?’ I thought….huh…some people are standing in their own way. Idiots.

Then I realize. Almost everything I heard on Saturday applies to me. If not all. No one made me sleep in…no one forced me to stay up late. Mollie is not trying to drive me crazy and those squirrels don’t give a rat’s ass about what I’m doing in here. I realized my aches and pains were non-existent on the weekend. I noticed they were back last night and worse this morning.

I realized even after staying up too late and drinking wine while I was away, I still felt awesome and was in a great mood when I awoke Saturday morning! I couldn’t wait to get going and be amongst other positive-minded and motivated people.

So what’s different?

When I came home, I lost all my motivation that had pumped me up in Toronto. I comfortably slipped back into mediocrity and boredom as I dropped my luggage and slumped onto the welcoming couch. I realize now that I truly am the only one that can change it. I am the one that needs to drag my butt out of bed in the morning and do that yoga. I am the one that needs to leave the tv off and turn on my to-do list.
I am the one that makes me my best.
I am the one.

I hope you all have an amazing day. And get out of your own way. 

One comment

  1. Reading that and cracking up several times was Great way to transition from a Long somewhat heavy day . . . and lay down a much Happier mind set to walk into a Fun evening with . . . Thanks Melinda!

    You have a Definite Skillful writing style and ability to connect with the reader . . . me especially ? . . . Write On Girl . . . Write On!

    I couldn’t Agree more with Bishop Jakes . . . We do program the GPS of our minds!

    And when we choose to unload the ‘extra not really our shit’ from the glove box, back seats, floor and trunk . . . We are able to access our navigation device so much better and we begin to feel like we do actually own the car.
    Rock On Melinda!

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